Dwight J. Dutton (titanic) wrote,
Dwight J. Dutton

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You can't make something like this up
I roll up to a red light second behind a soccer mom from h**l ,in the SUV ,talking on the cell phone and touching up her makeup in the rear view mirror .

The light turns green , she readjusts the rear view mirror as she starts to move forward and sees me , on a KZ1000 Police , dynamites the brakes in the middle of the intersection and puts her seat belt on . I almost collected her bumper , leaving only a small rubber smear .
Yes there is more . facing us at the light is one of the county's finest who does a u turn behind me and lights me up . As I look behind me the woman again dynamites the brakes , this time I do touch her bumper solidly (still no damage to the bike) and the county cop rear ends me just hard enough to push me into the soccer mom's bumper the third time .

The cop barely pauses long enough to ask if I'm ok on his way to the soccer mom's SUV where he gets her paper and starts to walk back to his unit . The soccer mom struts back to me still on the phone to get my license number and keeps repeating it on the phone . Now it gets real deep . She is on the phone to 911 reporting a hit and run by a motorcycle , mine ?! As the cop returns she demands into the phone that I be arrested for repeatedly rear ending her SUV and I would have run if the cop wasn't there . At this point the cop answers his hand held radio and begins to make sense of all of this . The cop starts writing first one citation then another and another as the woman continues her demands on the phone . Finally the cop attempts once , twice , three times to get the woman's attention . "Can't you see I'm on the phone !" she shouts at the cop . "M'am if you do not hang up the phone now I will be forced to take action " says the cop . That did it . He then asked her to sign the citations for reckless driving , failure to wear a seat belt and talking on the phone while in control of a moving vehicle with out a hands free device (a recent and confusing law here ) . She of course starts screaming at the cop . "I'm not going to sign anything without my lawyer present" she says . In a near whisper the cop says to me as he walks toward the woman "just what I've been waiting for" . Our soccer mom adds resisting arrest and assaulting an officer to the list on the way to the back seat of the cop car .

No we're not done yet . The cop apologizes for lighting me up when he should have passed me before turning on the lights and siren . he asks me if he could please write me an equipment violation for a tail light that he will later admit could have happened when bumped into me . I get it and accept , adding that if it was in his power to tell me when this woman was being arraigned I'd like to be there . I realize having to fight this woman to the ground and all the way back to the car is going to need a witness and tell him so . The cop looks visibly relieved as we wait for a tow truck for the SUV .

No , we're not done yet . The tow truck arrives with another unit as back up and traffic control . As the tow truck begins to hook the car a man stops and jumps out of a car he thought he had put in park demanding that the SUV and woman in the back of the first car be released immediately , as his not in park car continues into the second cop car .
These two are cut from the same cloth . The now identified husband ends up in the back of a third car . DUI , resisting arrest , assaulting an officer , reckless endangerment and whatever else .

No , not yet . Still at the same intersection the husbands car and the second unit have been removed and all that is left is the tow truck driver finishing his statement stemming from the husbands assault on him . The cop tells me it probably isn't necessary to write me a violation for my non damaged tail light as the tow truck driver starts out into traffic . Before the tow truck driver can get up to speed a woman , in an SUV , with out a seat belt ,on the telephone, rear ends the soccer mom's SUV being towed not 50 feet from where the cop and I are standing.

Almost done . Aid units are dispatched and arrive for the woman's head injuries and as she is being loaded into the aid unit all she wants to know is where her cell phone is .
OK , last bit . The scene is finally cleared of all vehicles and participants except the cop and I who are now on a first name basis . As we are pulling away we both hear the screech of rubber back at the intersection . There isn't the usual accompanying crash but I notice that the cop never looked back as he pulled away .

I really don't know that it belongs here . I don't really think there is a moral to all of this other than It used to be the little old lady peeking out from between the steering wheel and the dash going 20 mph under the speed limit that scared me. Now and forever it's the cell phone talking , SUV driving , makeup fixing , soccer mom from h**l that scares the daylights out of me .
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